This time of year is so Wonderful . Besides wamer weather I love to listen to the birds talk ..look at the leaves bud . There is something truly amazing when Nature comes to life . It's like when you are in your tree stand or just under a tree first thing in the morning before the sun comes up and you watch as all God's Creatures awake from the night . Just puts you in such high sprites Nature is just amazing to me .

Ok so now I have completed one full week of my workout routine ... I hope it is working LOL . Going to be posting a pic of my self YUCK but it must be done .

This past weekend was spent cleaning the yard .... that is a workouty in it's self , Got alot completed and really looks nice .

Took Jayden out on the 4wheeler today ..she loves it , she'll be a natural at this stuff by thye time she gets old enough .

Have to go to court today .... I manage proerty for our landlord ,,, we have to evict someone . I really dont have it in me ,, my heart isnt one for causing pain ..Although she hasnt paid rent and it is Justified I cant help but feel BAD , I really dont like this job .


Mom is going out trurkey Hunting I hope she gets one of them BIG Birds up there .

Check in later on how the court thing went  :-/

Well court was court ...had to sit and listen to all kinds of stuff ..Man some people really have a bad life . Our case ..well she tried to talk her way out of it again ..I dont think the court really cared .. They will be sending out the dissision soon . What ever that means . I feel bad But in away it's like Hello ..you have to pay rent to live somewhere ...it's not free . And from what I have been learning She is a Professional Scammer !!!!!!!!!!!!!  

The rest of my day went good ...did my work out again ...I have lost a total of 17 1/2 inches now in the past 3 weeks ..I'm so excited . Been along time coming . I'm really happy people joined in ...I hope they will feel as good when they start . I still have to quit smoking ...STUPID DANG THINGS ..... There is a presription I want to try ...I have tried many times I quit for 8 months but I had a really hard time . I know it's not easy BUT man is it HARD . Well one step at a time RIGHT .... Loose this weight and start to really feel GREAT and Hopefully I can get rid of this habbit ONCE AND FOR ALL!!!!!  It's going to be a real beauty of a day I think I willl just sit out back today with my waterfall & enjoy !! Never works that way though LOL

After reading John's post about his wife mary I can say I cant complain about my life or day . It saddens me when someone of our Special family has such pain .  it is amazing how so many people can touch your heart without even seeing their face .  It really makes you think about how special this Family is .. and how touched we all become . It's a wonderful Experiance to see such a Wonder . These days it is hard enough to keep your kids loving you But yet even in the darkest days ..All you have to do is click up the home and see so many ..Laugh ,love ,care ,share  Respect  Enjoy and yes sometimes Cry . it is something special when you read the words of Great People and your heart feels as happy to see the words of care I truly Pray for Our Brother John to have healing in his Heart and that he can rest on anyone of us to cry and talk . I am truly BLESSED to have come into such A Loving Caring family and I will walk side by side with any of you any time any where !!! GOD BLESS THE THUNDRBUCK FAMILY !!!!

Well we had a pretty nice weekend . I went out Turkey hunting Sat morning and had a mishap with my bow ..Of coures while the bird was 20 yrds from me ...DANG IT!! Went again Sunday had a couple Tom's Gobble but no site . Another time another day RIGHT .

I have been working around the yard .. found 4 baby painted turtles and put them in the pond ... They are so cute . I read info about them ,if they stick aound it just may cure my frog issue ,, they eat tadpoles and eggs and frogs HEE HAWW ..

I have to lay some saud my brother gave me down today ...looks like a good day to do so ..rain showers off and on ..

Feeling a lil Blaaa today , dont know why Happens I guess . Maybe I will feel better when the sun comes back out .

That lady we had to evict well the court sided with us so now she has to be out WED of this week ... I called her yesterday ..Very rude . I know she is upset that she lost BUT I phoned her back Because I was really botherd by her tone with me ..I told her she needs to think about the whole thing ..I did everything I could do for her and then some ... I got the police not to continue with the report on her check that is gave us that was no good ..' just so you know she has a habbit of doing ' many reports on her ... she then changed her attitude alil ... I still dont feel better about it But Buissness is buissness ..I just dont like this sort of thing ..it bothers my heart  :(

Anyways that is that for now . Take care and God Bless

Here is the story About DCYF .


I have learned to really Hate what these people stand for ..I have no Forgivness in my heart for these people which is a very sad thing .

         8 yrs ago I was separated from my now ex husband I was the only one working I was a Bartender /manager . I was earning about 500.00 a week which I gave most of that to Mark . Well Mark lost the apartment ..NOT PAying rent ..A** Hole . Well Amber and Brandi went to live with an Aunt and Cate stayed with Mark . I couldnt take any because I was sleeping in my car Because I was suporting Him and the Kids ... Anyways .. the state was called on Mark the day before Thanksgiving and they took Cate . I was Not notified to this until I went to his house to oick her up for Thankgiving . He was hiding and would not come out ..his siter confronted me with this info at the door . I called the police station right away ..I told them they better get ther fast because if I see Mark first I'm going to kill him ... They showed up and of course Mark was no where in site . They gave me the Number to DCYF in Nashua . I had to wait till the Holiday weekend was over ...First thing Monday morning I called I talked to a woman named Gloria 'I will never forget this woman' not for good reasons either . She told me that Mark filed for AFDC ...which is Welfare that I had run out on him and Cate and he needed financial help. WHAT A BUNCH OF BULL more the half my pay went to him every week and I stay at friends houses and my car I told her .. she told me to bring in my recipts to the court hearing and gave me the date . I showed up by myself with my stuff a Security Gaurd came to me and said are you Heidi ... I said yes he said Please stand up I did and he PROCEEDED to Read me my RIGHTS .... told me I was being charged for CHILD NEGLECT ..... WHAT ???? I sa Gloria and called her in ..she them told me the STATE is chargeing you for the Neglect of Catelyn . I dont understand I handed her the reciepts I had and Photo's of Ctae and I .... I didnt do that ..she took my things 'Till This DAY I dont Know where the stuff is ' . She said we are going in front of the judge we will find out the out come soon . I was under the understanding that Cate was coming back with me ..That is what Gloria said ..SHE LIED . We went in front of the judge I told my side and told him Gloria has my stuff you can see ...Gloria said I dont have any evidance from Heidi . I stood there tears in my eyes and DIDNT UNDERSTAND a thing that was going on . She is lying is all I could say . Well needless to say I got a Court appointed Lawyer Paul ... Jeremy and I got togther and we tried everything to get Cate back . Gloria used my Job against me ... I couldnt get an appatrment with my name first on a lesse because Mark got eveicted from the appatrment and my name was on there ... I said we can get this Apartment But jeremy's name has to be forst NO ..from Gloria and Terry who is the head of that department . I said everything I do is wrong ... They let me have visitation with Cate but only Supervised ...Gloria said she felt I would take off with Cate . Well one day We Jeremy & I went to the place we were supose to meet for a visit and .....They never showed up I called left messages and Nothing . See the family that Cate was with wanted to adopt her ..Yes JoANNand Jim . The state would lie to them as I found out this past year ,, they lied to JIm JoAnn and Catelyn ...they lied to me . Well they had a hearing which we were never informed about and the adoption went through .... Is this leagal ...I hardly dought it ..do I have the money to fight it now ...No . Did they get away with this Yes  for 6 yrs . Ii did absoultly nothing wrong and was treated like a piece of crap ..even worse I believe ..

Well that is the story and you have read the out come . Cate and I have lost many years ones I can not get back for her , But I know we will never lose another day again ..OVER MY DEAD BODY ..that's what it will take . For those family's that have gone through simular things I pray that they to some day will see the child they have lost and that child will see that parent they have lost .   For the justice in this ..is that maybe someday someone will be able to stop the acts of the DCYF when parents are not guilty and those who do hurt and neglect their childern recieve the proper punishments ,,

               Thank you for reading . Please pray for those Familys that are Honestly hurt by the DCYF ..they cause more hurt in ones heart then one can understand .

It was a long time Heidi but justice did prevail for you no thanks to the DCYF

That's the biggest bunch of bull I've seen from the gov't yet.  Bunch of idiots!!!!!!!

Yes it is ....  I have always tried to find Forgivness in my heart to those who have hurt me or did me wrong ..But I will never forgive that woman NOT Yet anyway. All I know is that it is a BLESSING that God made sure Cate went to someone with such a Warm heart . She would tell Cate ..I know your mom loved you I know she misses you and someday we will find her .

JoAnn asked for my information from them ..My name and things ...they said No the ON:Y way we can give you that infomation is if Cate was Really sick or Dying and they needed my Blood . Thank GOD it never came to that . My comment to that ..THEY DIDN'T WANT ANYONE TO FIND OUT THE TRUTH AND WHAT A CRIMINAL ACT THEY COMMITTED .

IF I SAW THIS LADY GLORIA AGAIN I WOULD LAUGH IN HER FACE AND SHOW HER THAT GOD HIMSELF IS THE JUGDE IN THE END AND JUSTICE PREVALS!!!! ;D

what a horrible story, I can't imagine what you went thru.  My heart goes out to you and Cate. I know you will make up for those Lost years and form a very special bond. God bless you both,

Boy I havent written here for a bit .

I have been sick with Step throat ..NEVER had that before OUCH!! So neeedless to say I havent got a whole bunch of things done ..I need to get out and MOW the so called lawn . Dang thing really ticks me off . Jeremy and I have spent 400.00 in seed and another 100 in Lime for it to NOT grow ..... Jeremy bought me a Roto Tiller that hooks up to the back of the 4 wheelers ..really good deal 250.00 I'm so excited . I'm going to till up the LAWN to see if I can get that growing ..Just till it about 2 in down I think what has happened is that the soil compacted to much and made it to soild for the grass to pop through . So again my grass is not where I want it . Got to preasure wash the pond ..Frog slim everywhere YUCK!!! I have some transplanting to do with some flowers to ..moving them from front to back where the pond is ... and I will be building my garden box I have to get my plants in that Like NOW ...I'm going to loose them all soon if I dont .

We're going to my MOMMY's Sunday for a cook out she lives in Salem Ma . Jeremy is driving I hate driving in MASS any where ..CRAZY People down there . Should be good though I love my mommy  ;D Well better get cracking alot to do .... Have a Safe and Happy Holiday !!!  God Bless OUR SOILDERS !!!!

Glad to hear you're feeling better Heidi.

wELL THIS WEEKEND TURNED OUT TO BE VERY BUSY .... COOK OUT WISE I FEEL LIKE I PUT ON 10 POUNDS ..OWELL BETTER GET CRACKIN ON THE WORKOUT LMAO!!

Got a call from my daugter '18 year old' who decided to get pregnat Again after giving Jayden up to us .... VERY UNHAPPY about this I am . Well she is having a BOY and I guess Amber & Kevin broke up so now she is not living with him,,, she called she wanted to come back home . I cant let her come back home .... we have Brandi & Cate And Jayden here ..Jeremy is already workin 6 sometime 7 days a week and we cant be taking care of her too ... WHY does she do this to me ... I always end up feeling like I do it all wrong for her ..But I know it's not me ... And we can Not take another baby which is already a hard enough disission we have to make Because we wont be able to afford it .. so I'm feeling very SAD needless to say ..she has no idea how she makes me feel , and I dont really think she cares ... It's a very hard thing to tell one of your kids NO ..your going to have to figure this one out .. GOD I pray she does . She is one of them people no matter what you say to her she knows everything ... everytime I have tried to get her in the right direction she goes the other way ... Even if I let her come home ... WHAT would she learn .that everytime she Screws up we will bail her out .... WE CANT and she still dont get it .. She doesnt even have a job ...and she is 20 weeks along ... I told her YOU need to get a job and make that baby a home ..stop being lazy and start getting your life steight ..it isnt about you it's about the baby you will be bringing into this world and he deserves the best that you can do and nothing less . All I can do now is pray !!!!


It's not easy to be a kid ..but it sure isnt easy to be a parent  :-/

Heidi, that sucks.  I wish you the best in trying to figure this thing out.  You are a great person, don't beat yourself up over your child's decisions.  They have to learn on there own at some point or another.

My prayers are sent.

Cody

Thank you CODY !! You just made my day !!!  ;)



Well as you know I decided to get a prescription to help me Quit finally smoking . Today is the first day with No NO NO BUTTS  ;D

I was scared to get up this morning after all the first ting I did for the past 20 years is grab the coffee and go smoke a butt . But I woke this morning ..got a cup of green tea and DID MY WORKOUT !!!! I am very impressed to say the least so far ... I have Not wanted a BUTT all day , No massive craving or headache or anything I have felt before . Yes I have kept busy mostly ...Not because i WANT A butt BUT I have all this time on my hands ..LOL I did notice though I need to eat Before taking them pills ... Made my belly upset this morning .. other then that ALL IS GOOD!!!!   I'll continue to keep this updated for the next couple weeks to show how it 'pill' is working ...THEY JUST MAY HAVE HIT THE JACK POT ON THIS !!!! :o

Heidi, looks like you're well on the way to stomping out that smoking habit.  Congratulations!!!!!

Thank you CODY !!


   DAy 2 . Well so far so good and YES it Feels GOOD . I made it throuh another morning with not even a problem .. This Pill is amazing . I have not wanted a Yuck Butt yet . In fact the hands to face motion isnt bothering me either . I just tell myself You are fine You can do this I am in charge .

I have not had my morning coffee for both of these days ..But Honestly I was drinking a pot by myself everday for so long that I actually have been weaning myself from it and with in the last 2 months i WAS ONLY drinking 1 cup a day . I miss it But very lil . I am going to make a cup this afternoon just to see how I react with it . Let ya know how I make out LOL !!

Ok I am almost finished week 2 of taking this med for Quitting smoking . Sorry I haven't posted latley ..been busy . Anyway s , The pills seems to be doing the job , I tired a butt a couple times ..when I was really Mad and YUCK I thought I was going to get sick . They just dont taste the same that is for sure .

Hard parts are these .... how to deal when you get stressed or mad ..Far much easier to grab a butt and leave well enough alone  so having to figure out what to do is the hard part . An honestly I dont crave a butt when Mad just a habbit  I have always done , so That I am still learning .  And finding myself having a hard time filling in the time still .. there is only so much house work or yard work one can do ... so that is a bit diffuclt . Driving surprising to me has been easy ..Dont know why but it has been .

Now for side effects ....Well my stomache has some pain ..Like upset Like when you eat too much and you feel sick .. and Dreams . OMG The dreams are bad . They are like you are really there and BAD . Yesterday I dreamed my parents died I could see them like it was so real ... I woke to this which made for a not so pleasant morning . So Last night I did not Take my PM pill . And I didnt dream like that so ..I will test for 2 more days to see how I dream and if it better ten I will not be taking the pills at night .  The other side effect is weight gain . As you all know I am on a mission to gain myself back ... Well I have put on 5 lbs since taking this ..NOT TOO HAPPY ... so I am going to see if with in the next week I loose or gain again . 5 LBS in the lil time is alot expecially when I work my butt off to loose it ..so if I continue to gain I 'm afraid the pills will have to stop . Hopefully I woll have taken them long enough to keep smoke free ..Time will tell .

  The other thing I have decided to do is ..go back to work with my husband . I have been home with lil Jayden for 15 months and it is time . I need to get back to it for my own mind lol ...starting to feel trapped and a Bit depressed so in 2 weeks I will be back . It wont be too bad I will be working Mon thru Thurs  7 to 3 so I will be home by 4 and still do family stuff like dinner and I will have 3 day weekends so I can get stuff done around here and all so it should be fine . I believe my mother in law will be watching Jayden here at home so it should be ok .   So sheet rock world be prepared I'm coming back to screw around LMAO!!! Well that is about it for now ...

when my grampa quit smoking he chewed alot of gum. every time he got the urge he'd have a piece of gum

Heidi, don't worry about the weight gain.  When dad quit, he gained some, but it didn't take him long to loose it back off once he got back in his normal routine.  Echoing grizzly's comment, dad always liked sucking on red hots when he quit smoking.  I bet he kept that company open during those couple of months!!!! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

LMAO !!    Yes I have Blow Pops ....works for it pretty good . Trust you me ... Butts are very GROSS tasting . I will get through this . Pretty soon I wont need these pills    I'll get back here soon .

Mood Swings .... Woman are Famous for them ..But WOW I'm drivin myself nuts !!!  All I can do is keep trying ..If I fail Try again . Not an easy task so it may take a bit .

Looking forward to getting back to work . I have 2 weeks to make sure everything is in order for an easy transformation .  And work on my TAN LOL !!! Mom is ready to come be my nanny starting the week of June 20 so  Soon I'll be writing more on Friday's and weekends ... By the time I get home from work ..dinner and time with Kids ..I wont have alot here . Boy I will miss that .

       Well it's a Bright Sunny day so ..Out to do some work around outside . Check back in later !!! Have fun my friends

Went to the Doctors .  I have been having some issus with the Pill .  She has taken me off of them ,

     My stomach was really starting to hurt .. and I couldn't go to the potty . Some of the more serious side effects of the pill , she wants me to try them again in a couple months ... if it happens again she will try another , there are a couple . I guess I'm lucky to have only had those symtoms ,,,my brother took one brand and had a really bad reaction which put him in the hopspital over night .
  I tried to stay away ...BUT I lost that battle AGAIN , Hard once you start .


  Well been tilling the yard . I have my area just about ready for the garden ..YES I am late but Not too LATE . The way it is I will have lots of Good Veggies when we come back from the GT .  I think I will have a LAWN FINALLY . Today I need to fine till a bit and later the seed will be down .... You may wonder why I am so Excited  about it ...well for 2 years we have spent 400.00 on seed and lime . And the Grass didnt take ..It was TERRIBLE and Depressing ... well it has been because the guy that would power rack the thing would then pack it down with the Bucket ..... The ground was so hard out there like concert ,,, No wonder .. anyways I dont have that problem anymore LOL .

          Enjoy your day ...doing what it is you do !!

Heidi, that sucks that the pills messed you up.  Keep trying girl, you'll kick it sooner or later!!!!!

Well Finally was able to get the seed down and Mother Nature has been kind enough to water it for me LOL  .  I sure hope it will take . Drives me crazy ..Grass will grow anywhere and evrywhere ... My garden area is just about ready .. Just need to work the soil a bit more ..Hopefully today is the weather works with me .  

I heard from my daughter Amber ...she is living with a friend and her & Boyfriend got back togther .. Good for the lil boy who will be here in a few months .  At least she is ok .

  Brandi and Catelyn started Final Exams today .... I sure hope they pass !!  Been having some problems with that stuff ... Brandi has some issuse and it drives me Nuts when she doesn't think she needs to study ... I'm to the point where I guess it is her life and if she ends up messing it up She will have Noone eles to blame . I have always taught them to have more then 1 choice in life so if 1 doesn't work at least they have another ... Brandi took Cosmotology ...Failed that class  :(  Because she didnt apply herself enough ... so now she wants to be an EMT ... Which is fine with me ...But she better start thinking Really hard .. she will be a Junior this coming year ...17 in Sept and is getting to the point where she will not be ready if she doesn't commit to something soon . But heck I'm mom LOL I dont know ANYTHING ....

   Catelyn slacked off all year F's across the board while living with JoAnn .. She is working Really hard to bring her stuff up I hope she can pull it off ... She was a A student till this past year ..Kids just dont make sense ...she knows that she is messing up . She wants to work with Horses when she gets old enough ... Well she has been working with them since she was 8 .  She loves them they are her Passion .  So I hope she pulls it through and completes her goals . I pray they BOTH reach their Goals ....

    Well just babbling on ...  LOL  Just a mothers thoughts ...where I dont get argued with LOL .

  Enjoy your day and have fun .

Quoted Text

I pray they BOTH reach their Goals ....

I'm with you on that.  It's hard being a kid nowadays, but some how or another you gotta get through it.
Glad to hear you've got some seeds in the ground.  Hope that garden turns out wonderful.

Cody

WOW ,.,,, been along time for writing here . Better start getting caught up  . SOON LMAO~!

HEIDI I JUST READ YOUR STORY BOY HAVE YOU HAD IT BAD....THE D.C.Y.F. THING REALLY PISSED ME OFF THEY SHOULD'NT HAVE DONE THAT TO YOU....BUT YOU''LL GET BACK TO WHERE THING'S SHOULD BE WITH CATE...IM SURE ! I ALWAYS SAID DO NOT TRUST THE SYSTEM....AND THAT WILL NEVER CHANGE....I HATE THE GOVERNMENT ALWAY'S WILL.....BUT IM GLAD YOUR DOING REALLY GOOD NOW HEIDI....OR AT LEAST YOU SOUND LIKE YOU ARE...WELL I GOTTA GET BACK TO MY BLOG CHAT LATER HEIDI...

Thanks Brian . Yeah it has been a very long and hard time But now we have Gaurdianship of Catelyn and the rest of the kids have moved in . Our family is complete and Busy LOL . I cant complain !!   The kicker about the DCYF is that they will help and give kids back to drug users and child abusers , Most of them dont even have Kids of their own .  And then they have regular people who volenteer to be CASA workers to help take kids away .... THE SYSTEM IS BULL . They spent so much time on me and how many kids that were really abused or negleted where being ignored ... And the people who adopted Cate .... Well lets just say there is alot of problems there so the "PERFECT " Family they thought they were giving Cate wasnt so perfect afterall . I am only grateful that JoAnn let Cate find us and let her come home . And that for the most part Cate was safe and some what happy there Until things happend  .

THAT IS SO SAD....I DONT KNOW HOW YOU DEAL WITH IT HEIDI.....BUT IM PROUD OF YOU FOR DOING WHAT YOU CAN....THESE KID'S ARE LUCKY TO HAVE SOMEONE LIKE YOU....THERE AINT MANY OUT THERE THAT DO WHAT YOU DO.....YOUR A GOOD PERSON AND KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK

Thank You Brian . I can tell you Honestly Jeremy is my Gaurdian Angel . He helps me so much and togther we have pulled through . I am just so thrilled to have everyone back and there isnt anyone wholes to be filled Ya know .  Complete is what I am Now . The rest is just ICEING ON THE CAKE !!!  ;D

THATS JUST HOW I THINK OF MARSHA SHE HAS BEEN WITH ME THROU PURE HELL AN WE''VE MADE IT......SO I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL......GO GIVE JEREMY A HUGE HUGG.....AND LET HIM KNOW YOU LOVE HIM.......MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL THIS SEASON AND A WONDERFUL NEW YEAR TOO....